Jr. High consisted of the worst days of my life. I was shunned by my friends one year, laughed at for stretch marks from losing a lot of weight another, and humiliated countless times a day. The one though that kept me going was: High School will be better. I counted down to the last day of eighth grade, made plans with my friends for the summer and anxiously awaited the wondrous new life High School would introduce me to. I was not disappointed. Though I didn't party or drink or have sex while I was in high school, I had fun! In my mind, I didn't need to be drink off my ass or completely smitten with a boy to have a good time. My favorite memories were made by just hanging with my friends (sober). Whether we went to a movie or stayed at home, my friends and I created bonds that were made to never be broken. Yes, the majority of the time I hated school. I hated the constant drama between petty girls and idiotic jocks. I couldn't wait to get away from the "popular" kids and build a new life with people who hadn't known me through all my awkward stages. I knew I would miss my friends, but I also knew that I had to get away.
"College is a whole new world!" That's the mantra every college student I knew would tell me when he or she would visit; the mantra I kept repeating to myself when I thought high school graduation would never arrive. College will be better. This time, I was completely disappointed.
I have been a college student for nearly two semesters, and so far it has been nothing like I imagined it would be...not even close. Expectation: I would have new friends who I could hang with a lot and spend Friday and Saturday nights going to parties or just chilling around town. Reality: I have no friends I hang out with consistantly, and my weekends are spent either working or watching TV while doing homework. Expectation: I would get invited to parties or to hang out with people. Reality: I don't get invited to do that stuff.
Basically, my social life in college sucks. I could use the excuse that I work on the weekends and therefore don't have time to go to parties, but here I am writing this blog on a Saturday evening when I don't have to work with no plans to do anything social tonight. And it's not for lack of trying. I tried to go to social events, even by myself, but people always ignored me. Even now, no one ever tries to get to know me well enough to eventually hang out away from campus. I hate my life here. I am so far away from happy, and I have no idea what to do about it.
The fact that all of my other friends have made plenty of new friends at their colleges doesn't help. All I hear is, "---- and I are going to do -----" "I'm going to a party tonight!" "----- is coming to stay with me this summer!" All I see are pictures of my friends with their new friends doing fun stuff. And all I can think is that my life sucks here. What happened to the "new world" college was supposed to offer? What happened to my expectations? Everyone else is living in that new world experiencing what I have always dreamed about, and I'm stuck here, complaining about my lack of social life on a blog no one ever reads.
Seriously? I have to lie every time someone asks me how college is going. I say "Oh, it's great! I love it! So much better than high school!" Am I the only one who is this way? Am I the only one who has failed to make actual new friends in college? Am I the only one who feels like she made the biggest mistake of her life by choosing to go to the school that was the cheapest instead of the one in New York or Ohio?
College sure as hell offered me a new world. Too bad I'm the only one populating it.
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