Today I am happy. Today is one of those rare days where I can think about the people in my life that I've lost and not be overcome with sadness. Today I am happy.
I ran my first half marathon this morning, and I not only had a great time but was able to run the whole thing with my mom who is an "experienced" runner. My feet, back, legs and knees hurt so badly, but I wouldn't change anything if I could. Who knew something that causes so much pain could be the reason for so much happiness? I guess running is a lot like life. It's a solo sport, but there are always people around to cheer you on and make you face the tough days and times when you aren't sure you can go any further. There are bad days, good days, frustrating and elating days, but if you work hard enough and never forget to actually enjoy the scenery and simple happiness surrounding you, the end is so worth the pain. Just like in running, in life we all face hills, both small and steep. While huffing and puffing our way up these hills, there are times when we want to stop, collapse on the ground and give up. I'm not going to lie, those hills are hard. The worst ones take everything a body has and more, but we can't give up. The top is in sight, and eventually, it will be reached! Though it may not seem like it when you're out of breathe and can feel leg muscles you didn't even know you had, the top of that hill is there, waiting for you to succeed through the sweat and pain and finally find solace.
Today I am happy. I know I will not always be as happy as I am now, but I refuse to dwell on that thought. I just ran 13.1 freaking miles and accomplished something I never thought I could. Tomorrow will be another story, but TODAY I am happy.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Sometimes Life Sucks.
Sometimes life sucks, and there is no other way of explaining it. Sometimes bad, horrible, terrible things happen to really good, innocent people. Sometimes people take their own lives and no one ever saw it coming. Sometimes these "sometimes" events happen way too often and in way too close of a proximity to each other.
Take right now, for example. One year and a month ago, a friend of mine ended her life. My world fell apart. I'm still picking up the pieces. a few weeks ago, a boy I used to go to school with ended his life. My world trembled. A few pieces fell off. I picked them back up. Two days ago, a friend's cousin ended his life. My world was OK. Today, my sister, my best friend, had to go through something horrible and terrible, and I couldn't be there to comfort her. My world is beginning to shake again. Pieces are falling again. Sometimes life sucks.
I believe in God. I trust God. But I think he understands that sometimes life sucks. I think He's OK with the fact that, when my friend ended her life, I didn't want to hear people tell me that God would take care of things, that I just needed to pray, that things would be OK. I KNOW God will take care of things, I KNOW that I should pray (I do), and things will NEVER be OK. When life really sucks, the suckiness never goes way, we just learn how to deal with its presence in our lives. We learn how to be happy and sad at the same time even though we don't know how that is even remotely possible. When life sucks, there are no words that can comfort or actions that can sooth. When life sucks, we have to take a step back, accept the fact that it sucks, and acknowledge the fact that, someday, we will feel OK again...even if we know we aren't.
Take right now, for example. One year and a month ago, a friend of mine ended her life. My world fell apart. I'm still picking up the pieces. a few weeks ago, a boy I used to go to school with ended his life. My world trembled. A few pieces fell off. I picked them back up. Two days ago, a friend's cousin ended his life. My world was OK. Today, my sister, my best friend, had to go through something horrible and terrible, and I couldn't be there to comfort her. My world is beginning to shake again. Pieces are falling again. Sometimes life sucks.
I believe in God. I trust God. But I think he understands that sometimes life sucks. I think He's OK with the fact that, when my friend ended her life, I didn't want to hear people tell me that God would take care of things, that I just needed to pray, that things would be OK. I KNOW God will take care of things, I KNOW that I should pray (I do), and things will NEVER be OK. When life really sucks, the suckiness never goes way, we just learn how to deal with its presence in our lives. We learn how to be happy and sad at the same time even though we don't know how that is even remotely possible. When life sucks, there are no words that can comfort or actions that can sooth. When life sucks, we have to take a step back, accept the fact that it sucks, and acknowledge the fact that, someday, we will feel OK again...even if we know we aren't.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Requiem: Book three of the Delirium trilogy
After reading Delirium and Pandemonium, the first two books in Lauren Oliver's trilogy, I was so anticipating the finale, Requiem. Though the story line of this third novel was excellent, the anticipation high and well written, I have to admit to being extremely disappointed with the ending. Too many strings were left untied, too many questions left unanswered. In short, I felt as if the ending was very much rushed. I did not feel a sense of closure AT ALL with the end of the trilogy. And to be honest, that in itself made me feel as if I'd wasted time, and money, on reading this last book. What is the point of reading frantically to get to the end when there essentially is no end? SPOILER
SPOILER
I was so excited to read some of the story from Hana's POV, and I love how Oliver showed the change the cure initiates, but how Hana wasn't fully cured, that she still held on to a piece of her old self. Now, whether or not Oliver was trying to show, when Lena and Hana finally see each other again, how Hana is different in her mind but can't show that on the outside, I don't know. But let me say this: Hana's last chapter was a complete rip off! I felt cheated out of all Hana had worked to uncover about herself when she was just walking down the street, with no closure to her story except that she let Fred die. Even worse, there was no closure between Lena and Hana! Just a "Thanks for saving my life, I've decided to tell you there's a bomb in your house so maybe you won't die!" They were BEST FRIENDS for goodness sake, you don't end that kind of storyline with something as cheap as simple partings.
I also felt very cheated out of the Alex and Lena story. The basis of this story started around Lena AND Alex, and the fact that he got pretty much ignored throughout this novel, one we FINALLY have him back, kind of pissed me off. There were moments, yes, when Alex and Lena were alone together with strong emotions, but NOTHING like I wanted it to be. And the ending between them? That was about at cheap as it gets! "I never stopped loving you, but I have to go help tear down this wall now, find me later?" So NOT how I expected their reconnection to be like.
Basically, the whole story EXCEPT the ending was excellent! Unfortunately, the ending of a book can make or break it, and I felt as if this one broke, not only the book, but the entire trilogy. This was an ending you MAYBE expect to see in a book that isn't concluding a series, but even if it wasn't, I would have a hard time referring Requiem to another reader. And that sucks, because I absolutely loved Delirium and Pandemonium! Maybe Oliver will surprise us with a continuation of the trilogy? It's a long shot, I know, but surely she won't leave her fans so disappointed!
SPOILER
I was so excited to read some of the story from Hana's POV, and I love how Oliver showed the change the cure initiates, but how Hana wasn't fully cured, that she still held on to a piece of her old self. Now, whether or not Oliver was trying to show, when Lena and Hana finally see each other again, how Hana is different in her mind but can't show that on the outside, I don't know. But let me say this: Hana's last chapter was a complete rip off! I felt cheated out of all Hana had worked to uncover about herself when she was just walking down the street, with no closure to her story except that she let Fred die. Even worse, there was no closure between Lena and Hana! Just a "Thanks for saving my life, I've decided to tell you there's a bomb in your house so maybe you won't die!" They were BEST FRIENDS for goodness sake, you don't end that kind of storyline with something as cheap as simple partings.
I also felt very cheated out of the Alex and Lena story. The basis of this story started around Lena AND Alex, and the fact that he got pretty much ignored throughout this novel, one we FINALLY have him back, kind of pissed me off. There were moments, yes, when Alex and Lena were alone together with strong emotions, but NOTHING like I wanted it to be. And the ending between them? That was about at cheap as it gets! "I never stopped loving you, but I have to go help tear down this wall now, find me later?" So NOT how I expected their reconnection to be like.
Basically, the whole story EXCEPT the ending was excellent! Unfortunately, the ending of a book can make or break it, and I felt as if this one broke, not only the book, but the entire trilogy. This was an ending you MAYBE expect to see in a book that isn't concluding a series, but even if it wasn't, I would have a hard time referring Requiem to another reader. And that sucks, because I absolutely loved Delirium and Pandemonium! Maybe Oliver will surprise us with a continuation of the trilogy? It's a long shot, I know, but surely she won't leave her fans so disappointed!
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